My worst fear came true. God why did I have to lose you…

Well that it then. Time to man up and face it. She feels nothing for me anymore. I’m holding onto nothing. How does it just become nothing though? It was once so much. But not anymore. Time to let go of what I once held to dearly. Goodbye, old lover.

I need to keep my mind busy so I’m probably gonna write a lot of these. Whenever I let my mind stray I just start crying, frantically clutching a pillow and hyperventilating until my head is pounding. You’re probably asleep by now. Safe and sound. I’m happy that you were able to get some sleep. Over the phone I couldn’t bare to hear your choked down tears. I tried to reassure you. I dont know if it worked, but I hope it did. I want to hold you. I need to know its gonna be alright. God. This is gonna be a long, sleepless night. Just like tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after. At least until you’re back in my arms safe and sound, or I go completely numb. Numbness sounds good right about now. Then maybe I could get some sleep. Not that I wish it upon myself. What I want most is us to be the way we were. I miss our old little talks. Personally, what I miss most is holding you close and kissing you on the head and telling you I love you. It’s only been a few hours but it hurts. I don’t want this to go on any longer. I just wanted you to know I care. Just know that I do, and always will.

You promised me forever. I’m counting on you to hold onto that promise. It’s the only thing that keeps me breathing.

How did we stray so far from perfect? It’s heartbreaking, really. I know you said its only a break but it still hurts that we can’t get through it together. When I needed you most you just walked away. I havnt slept or eaten in 72 hours. I just want to be there for you. When I tried you pushed me away. I guess I can relate in a way, but I just want to be your friend. I would never judge you upon anything you could ever do. You say it’s better if I just forgot about you. Pretended you never existed. The day I die will be the day I stop caring about you. I want to fix this. It feels so different. I want to wake up in the morning and think about how happy I am with you. Now I don’t want to wake up at all because I don’t know what I’ll be feeling. This is what I was afraid of. This is why I’ve been trying to talk to you. I wanted to prevent this, but I feel as if I caused it. I want you to know how much I care. Because I’m not about to just let go. I’m willing to go to the ends of the earth. I’m not ready to head for disaster. I want to fix this. For you. For me. For us. Just please, let me.